Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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