I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
