That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
