I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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