youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
