yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
