Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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