Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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