dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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