I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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