i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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