i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
