tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
