I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
