I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
