I CAN MOONWALK!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She even gives head with a lisp.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
