Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
