either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
