Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
