he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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