im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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