So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
