have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
