I'm really into asian looking animals
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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