So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
