I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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