u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You ate ashes out of my bong
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