I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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