WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
