There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
