You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
