I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
