You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
