don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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