good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
