come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
