I bet he comes in French.
You can't motorboat a personality
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
