Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
