Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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