last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
