How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
