Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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