I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
