Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think my fart just growled at me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
