did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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