Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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