I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
