just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
