Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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