if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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