i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the day after is always just damage control
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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