Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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